Zandrixia

When I am sitting outside and my mind indulges in thoughts of you, my pulse quickens and my chest feels simultaneously light as air and heavy enough to hold me securely to the ground. As, the dream of the day smooths the edges of my vision; as if a warm comforting fog has desended upon reality. My mind a glow with fanciful vision of you and me, of us, enraptured in the endless entanglement of we. As a helicopter drones overhead, a car slowly passes by, and the hum of a/c units breaks the illusion in sudden bid for my attention. I allow the disruption, shaken back to reality but with the edges, softer still, than once was. I feel a sense of peace as our time together dives ever deeper into my being, somehow you improve me, heal me, in ways I did not think I could be redeemed. Is it that there is more to the world than I can imagine; how lovely a thought. For two creatures, of carefully crafted plans, expecting only to pass though the other's life; in but an instant, turns into an unparalleled desire to be together as one. As, silly as we may seem, as undeserving as we may sometimes feel; I believe that we are both equally deserving of one another. I love you, I love the way I feel when you are near, even when I am missing you I feel less lonely and more peaceful than I ever have before. You are the best person for me and you are my favorite human by far. I love you and need the rest of our lives to attempt even a rough draft version of how much I do. 😘❤🥰

Indeed, this is the life I am leading.  So many things have happened to me in the past year.  My life has changed in so many ways.  I have changed in so many ways.  

I don't know which way is up, which way is down or whether I am moving forwards or backwards.  I am consumed by confusion. Torchered by my own hands. Spun into my own web.  

The tangled mess I've woven.  I have lost myself. I know not who I am anymore.

Yep, that is all... For now.